“Time to Do
Me: Dealing with the Emotional Vampires in Your Life”
Over
the last few years I’ve noticed many people being dragged down by their
friends. Actually, it’s something
I’ve always seen, but it’s only recently that I’ve become more conscious of how
active I am in doing something about that in my own life. “I’m allergic to drama!” How often do you hear people say
that? Yet, when you observe them
closely you realize that they’re often surrounded by drama and by the people
they say they want to avoid so badly.
In fact, they seem to attract drama wherever they go. They surround themselves with friends
who are emotionally and mentally draining. So draining, in fact, that a term now exists that describes
them perfectly: emotional vampires.
Very
often I’m asked, “How do I get rid of these emotional vampires?” That’s both a
simple and a difficult question to answer. Especially if the emotional vampires in your life, the
people who most negatively consume your time and energy, are family members and
people you love. The reality
though, is you have to detach.
Somehow, you have to assume responsibility for your own life and for the
happiness (or lack thereof) that will define it. This is not so easy, but it does require a significant decision
to take care of yourself first so that you can, in the long run, be everything
you need to be for others and take care of others as you’d like. Allow me to suggest some steps.
First, you must realize that you are the
most important person in your life.
I know this sounds selfish and irresponsible. But, the truth of the matter is that you won’t be able to
take care of those you love unless you have taken care of yourself first. What good is giving up your health or
your job or your schooling because mom needs what little income you can bring
into the home, if you will both be in
the same spot in the future because you’ve put everything aside for her? If she is really concerned for your
future, then she will know that you need to carry on and “do you” for you to be
where you both need you to be. I
know there are setbacks and obstacles that might get in the way, but the goal
here is to understand that you are “Priority Number 1” and that no one else is
responsible for your life. This
same attitude – and it’s this attitude that is important -- has to be applied
to many aspects of your life.
Otherwise, you will get sidetracked and not meet your goals. This does not mean you don’t lend
a helping hand. It means you find
a balance between what’s going to get you from point A to point B and the needs
(or wants) of others.
Second, you figure out what your limitations
are. We all like to consider
ourselves good at things, but how often have you sat down and honestly
reflected on your limitations, those things that you simply can’t do? Do you
try to be all things to all people?
Do you have a savior complex?
Do you have a need to save others?
Let’s face it; we’ve all met people like that. Some of us might even have dated someone who thought his or
her job was to save us. But, you
can’t save people who don’t want to be saved and it’s not your job to save
them. It’s impossible to be good
at everything. Once you realize that you are limited, just like everyone else
in the world, then will you realize that people must learn to be responsible
for their own lives and be dependent on no one else but themselves. This is an incredibly liberating
feeling and frees you of much of the mental burden that comes with responsibility
to others. In other words, you have
to simply let go.
Third, imitate the people you’d like to
become. Have you ever noticed how
the people you most respect can deal with all sorts of issues and yet still
take care of themselves? They seem
to have a purpose and a vision for their lives. In fact, they seem to have everything under control. Take a look at what they do and whom
they allow into their lives. You
will see that these people you respect do things thoughtfully and with
intent. They purposely seek out
opportunities that will make them better and they never stop seeking these
opportunities. They ask questions
such as, “How will this improve my life?”
They don’t simply take risks.
They take calculated risks and
do so knowing fully that they are the only ones responsible for whatever
consequences come of these risks.
But, you will also notice that these people you admire act, dress,
speak, think in a particular way.
In fact, it’s what you admire the most about them. Do not be afraid to imitate them. At first, you will feel like you’re
simply acting and copying.
Eventually, however, you will assimilate their habits into your own life
and add your own flavor. Be who
you want to become.
Fourth, start thinking about your
mission in the world. I’ve always
been taught I was placed on this Earth for a reason. I believe that about everyone. Face it. The
reason you’re even reading this article is because you are seeking something
greater than yourself right now.
Start thinking about the legacy you will leave behind when you’re time
is done. Have you made an impact
on others? Will you have left the
world a better place because you were in it? If you do this, you will automatically place those emotional
vampires we introduced earlier into the background. They will no longer have the roles they had in your life and
you will realize that you’ve expelled them from you life, if not actually, then
at least metaphorically.
In
the long run, only one person is responsible for your life: You. You will be on this planet for a limited amount of time and
what you do with your life is an essential question. You can either choose to surround yourself with the
negativity of others (emotional vampirism) and not live fully, or you can
choose to live your life knowing (and enjoying) that everything you have is a
result of your intentions and your actions. In other words, live fully a life worth living and do it
with the knowledge that you can now lead others to be better people themselves. Try to become the person that others
want to be.
No comments:
Post a Comment